Lime Shurbet » Blog Archive » A Word About Acceptance

I posted this in the comments section at Towle Road in response to being called an “Uncle Tom” by one of the visitors to that site. It may seem silly, but the point needs to be made.

I am 35 and have been out since I was 20. Was does it say to you that in 15 years the most intolerant and hateful things that have ever been said to me did not come from Republicans speaking about the fact that I was gay but from Democrats speaking about the fact I am a Republican?

What does it say to you that my Republican parents and Republican sisters and their Republican husbands flew half-way across the country to spend Christmas with their Republican son/brother and his Republican partner and his Republican parents after never having met them or any person that I have ever dated?

What does it say to you that my Republican father, the same man that 15 years ago said I was mentally ill and needed help and that he would never accept his gay son hugged my partner at the airport when we dropped them off and said, “next year is at our house” and left me a note saying “We had a GREAT time”?

It says to me that people like Jimmyboyo (see comments section) haven’t got the first clue what true acceptance, tolerance and diversity really mean and that they are angy - angry at those that refuse to accept them and angy at those they percieve to be the cause.

“They will never accept you” - True, some will not, no more than people like Jimmyboyo will accept the opinion of a gay Republican. But the people that truly matter in my life already have and maybe, in the end, that is what is missing from the lives of people so appalled with those of us that refuse to simply toe the party line because we’re gay and it is expected.

To them I say get the mirror out and take a good, long look. Your problem isn’t with gay Republicans, the religious right, or anyone else; the problem lies in the image staring back at you in that mirror.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, February 1st, 2006 at 1:24 pm and is filed under LGBT Issues, Make a "Progressive" Cry. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

15 Responses to “A Word About Acceptance”

February 1st, 2006 at 3:44 pm
Raymond B Says:

Has any of the hype surrounding Brokeback mountain made any changes in real policy? Or was the hype just to put more seats i nthe theatre? Liberals, and conservatives, want to know.
Raymond B
http://www.voteswagon.com

February 1st, 2006 at 4:59 pm
JT Says:

Robert: I’ve followed you to your blog to tell you that, in spite of my snarkiness, I do believe you feel you can effect change one person at a time. I also felt the hurt when you and Donald discussed the nastiness and snobbery that so many of us (especially those of us over 45) feel from other gay men. I also think you have a family that loves and cherishes you. Feel fortunate, my friend, because there are so many liberal Democrats who have turned on their sons and daughters because they love someone different.

Please know that, while I am an absolutely rabid anti-Republican in spite of the fact that a make a huge salary (relatively) and feel obligated to pay as many taxes as possible (I’m a closet socialist), I do think that there are a few decent Republicans…Senator McCain, for instance, and Barry Goldwater (’cause he’s dead). Anyway I did enjoy reading the rants that your posting inspired on Towleroad.

Thank you.

February 1st, 2006 at 9:49 pm
beautifulatrocities Says:

Personally I like it when the moonbats get angry - as they so easily do, since they’re displacing all their anger - because it’s even more fun to ridicule them.

And JT is too rich - a “closet socialist” who happens to make a huge salary & wishes he could force other Americans to hand over more of their paycheck to Uncle Sam so that he could feel the world is more fair. What a fucking twit. Has anyone ever met a moonbat who’s read even a bonehead economics book? Anyone?

February 2nd, 2006 at 8:29 am
Robert Says:

JT - parents turning on their gay sons and daughters knows no political afflliation. That we agree on - and it looks like that is about all we agree on so far. My experience, not having graduated from college and working since I was 16, was that you can bring yourself up without any help from the government if you educate yourself, make good decisions, and work your ass off. I think my opinion of myself would be a great deal less if I had to have Uncle Sam and me fellow citizens do it for me. But that’s just me.

February 2nd, 2006 at 8:33 am
Robert Says:

Jeff - my take on the cause of the high-paying job having closet socialism of some is something along the lines of survivor’s guilt. I don’t know what commonality you will find in their background, but it has been my experience that this type of thinking usually occurs in people that had a considerable amount of life handed to them on a platter and haven’t had to work all that hard for what they have - See Ted Kennedy, John Kerry, etc. (JT: not saying that is your experience, but it is a plausible explanation for some).

February 2nd, 2006 at 9:05 am
Lorraine Says:

Robert- I don’t think that the comment is silly. It needs to be said.

I know many homosexuals who are insulted- and it’s just worse for the homosexual Republicans, because even other homosexuals insult them and call them ’self-loathing.’ I will never understand why this is so, and I wish that it will eventually change.

One reason I dislike political party affiliation is because everyone feels that they have to LOOK like a Democrat or LOOK like a Republican, however that looks. I dress in kind of an exotic-artsy type of way, and I always get stopped by Democratic campaigners in the streets- never by Republicans. I wish that we could stop using looks, race, sexuality, etc. to have to define our political ideals. How about using our political ideals?! For once!

February 2nd, 2006 at 9:25 am
beautifulatrocities Says:

I imagine JT has a vague, undefined idea of ’social justice’; since liberalism has a utopian subtext, part of the appeal is moral preening: see how much I care. In JT’s case, this hilariously doesn’t translate to any actual real world hardship, but that’s not the point. One defining difference between conservatives & liberals is that liberals will approach a proposal by emphasizing the noble intentions behind it, while conservatives care only about the incentives or disincentives created by it. The Great Society, for instance, created the modern welfare state out of noble intentions to help single mothers. But it inadvertently created an incentive for single motherhood, which has devastated the black community. Unwed mothers who previously lived with extended families (& whose children had the benefit of multiple caregivers) now could live alone, but would lose that independence if they got married.

February 2nd, 2006 at 9:53 am
Robert Says:

Road to hell, good intentions, paved with. See what happens?

February 2nd, 2006 at 9:59 am
Robert Says:

Sorry Lorraine - your comment got flagged as spam for some reason. Let me know if you make other comments and they don’t show up. And glad to hear from you again!! You’re right, of course. I don’t look much like the stereotypical (R) either but I don’t get stopped much on the streets here by folks handing out leaflets, etc. - I attribute that mostly to the look I have on my face that says “come near me and you lose a limb.”

February 2nd, 2006 at 11:54 am
Patrick Says:

I’ve encountered similar reactions to my comments at Towle Road as well as other “gay” blogs. It’s a huge frustration for me. I have said to many gay men exactly what you expressed regarding your positive (or at least neutral) reaction from Republicans about being gay vs. the almost venomous response received from gay men when coming out as a Republican. I’ve ended friendships over this. It is sometimes impossible to constantly deal with people who are suffering from Bush Derangement Syndrome and find ways to blame Republicans, Christians, or Bush for just about everything that is wrong with the world.

I am more convinced every day that many gay men who insist that EVERYONE agree with them, believe like them, embrace the ideologies they embrace, etc. are suffering from a severe case of narcissism. They set themselves as victims or an oppressed class. They are convinced that the “Right” is out to destroy them and “take away their rights.” I like to ask these fellows in LA what sort of car they drive, where they live, when they last took a vacation, their level of education, and other sorts of things that help them see that they are in fact not oppressed and are free to live their lives as they choose.

February 2nd, 2006 at 12:10 pm
Robert Says:

I don’t doubt narcissism plays a role for a great many but I also think a large number have found little or no acceptance within their own circles or simply are so, dare I say it, self-loathing (in that they have not really accepted themselves) that they must lash out at those they perceive to be the cause. “If you would accept me, I could accept myself and since you don’t, I can’t so I hate you.”

February 2nd, 2006 at 5:05 pm
...now, how did I get here?... Says:

acceptance…

Lime Shurbet offers A Word About Acceptance after a harsh comment he received in response to a comment on Towleroad. I say to his response, ‘Bravo. Good for you.’ The reason I do not like speaking about politics is that I do not wish to deal with the…

February 7th, 2006 at 9:44 am
JT Says:

Hey everyone! I have to say that, while engaged in the Towleroad conversations with Robert, I was becoming a bit less hostile toward conservatives. Robert is a charming fellow and is able to look somewhat dispassionately at issues. True, we agree on virtually nothing, but he’s a sane sort. Then I read beautifulatrocities (you’re half right) and I am convinced you folks, living in your little world filled with flags and big cars and tax cuts, are crazy. beautifulatrocities has the gall to posit that I’ve had no hardship in my life and am engaged in “moral preening.” When I read such nonsense, I’m reminded of one of the best lines from Pulp Fiction..”fuck you”

February 7th, 2006 at 12:09 pm
Patrick Says:

I am convinced you folks, living in your little world filled with flags and big cars and tax cuts, are crazy.

This is rich. Do the SF Bay Area and Los Angeles count as “little worlds with flags and big cars and tax cuts?”

February 7th, 2006 at 12:24 pm
Robert Says:

I thought “big car” was a euphemism for something else.

And JT has a point - we don’t know the personal experience of everyday people so making summary judgements regarding specific individuals isn’t very fair. I feel really comfortable accusing Ted Kenndy and John Kerry of not having to work for much in their lives - I don’t think it approprate or fair to say the same of people like JT who are only known to me by their comments on a blog.